Avoid Mistakes in Explaining Divorce to Children
In this video, Fort Bend County Family Law Attorney Vonda Covington talks about explaining divorce to children. Vonda has many years of experience as a divorce attorney, and she has also experienced divorce as a parent.
Summary of Explaining Divorce to Your Children
Hi, I’m Vonda Covington, I’m a family law attorney in Fort Bend County, Texas, and I just wanted to talk a little bit about telling the kids that you’re fixing to get divorced, how to avoid mistakes in explaining divorce to your children?
First of all, I would suggest that you and your spouse visit with each other about it, and come up with an agreement about what you’re going to say. Tell them together.
Explain that Mommy and Daddy Will Remain Mommy and Daddy
The most important thing that kids need to know is that mommy and daddy are still going to be mommy and daddy. Mommy and daddy are still going to work together as parents. You’re still their parents and you love them, and what you’re working on right now is a way to restructure the family that benefits them.
Explain that You’re Both Going to Continue Love Them
They are your number one focus. Let them know that. Let them know that you’re going to continue to love them, regardless of this process, and let them know that they are not the reason the two of you are splitting up.
That is something that they have to internalize. Kids tend to blame themselves, and typically, they’re not the reason that you guys are getting divorced, so tell your kids that.
Don’t Blame Each Other for the Divorce
I think it’s also extremely important not to tell them, “It’s his fault,” “It’s her idea,” “Daddy’s been going out with another woman,” “Mommy gets mad and yells all the time, this is why we’re getting divorced.”
Kids don’t need to know any of that grownup stuff. All they need to know is mommy and daddy still love them, mommy and daddy don’t continue to love one another. They do share a commitment to their children, and they want to be parents together. That’s what the kids need to know. Once they know that, then they can deal with the process a lot better.